Lesson #5: It Really Is Quality, Not Quantity

Heading into college, there's kind of a bit of pressure to try to make new friends. Along with learning, people say college is about socializing and meeting new people. As a result, I was a little fascinated when I was talking to a really old friend, and she said something along the lines that making friends was overrated. After thinking about that, I've find that to be true. I've always wanted to have a lot of friends, but I've found that making more friends doesn't always lead to more happiness.

I'm going to talk about basketball for a moment. In my opinion, the greatest team ever assembled in NBA history was the 1996 Chicago Bulls, which had a record-breaking 72 wins, compared to only 10 losses. The star player on that team was a guy we all know, the greatest of all time, Michael Jordan. Along with that, Chicago had another All-Star in Scottie Pippen. Aside from those two, though, there wasn't anyone else on that team that a lot of people would have considered great, or close to an All-Star.

Still talking in terms of basketball, let's take a look at the 2011 Boston Celtics. On that team, there were 4 different All Stars (for those who don't know much about the NBA, there's 12 players on a roster on each All Star team), and  yet, those Celtics didn't even make it into the NBA Finals. If we go back a couple years earlier, we can take a look at the 2006 Detroit Pistons, who, like Boston, had 4 All Stars, but didn't make it to the NBA Finals either.

The explanation for this all has to do with the top. When a team's best player is the greatest player alive, that team is going to go far, just like Chicago always did with Michael Jordan. The Celtics and the Pistons, though they had many All Stars, didn't have a single player who probably would have been considered one of the top 20 players in the league. Even though basketball is a team sport, when the game really matters, a team will be carried and led by their best player. That's why Chicago, even devoid of as much great players, was so successful, because they were led by Michael Jordan. In contrast, Detroit and Chicago, even with all their great players, didn't have a truly great player to lead them to a championship.

All that I've just said may seem like a simplified lesson in basketball theory, but it really applies to life as well. We can make all the friends we want, but unless those friends are great and meaningful, then they'll have little impact in our lives. It's nice to have a lot of friends, but if we don't have that one or two friends that we can tell everything to, and that we would trust with our lives, we probably wouldn't be truly happy. That's probably why people are always wanting a boyfriend or a girlfriend, because then they have that one person they can always rely on.

To add to that, think of the show FRIENDS (that's one of my favorite shows, by the way). For those who don't know the show, it basically chronicles the life of this group of six friends. For most of my life, I've always  wanted to have a life just like those characters, but here's the thing about it: for most of the series, it never seemed like those guys had friends outside of their group of six! Yet, fans all around envied the characters, not for the number of friendships they had, but for the closeness they had with their small group.

Making friends is always fun, and it's always good for life. However, make the friendships meaningful. It's the special friends that'll truly impact your life, and I'd take a couple special friends than a hundred acquaintances any day!

Lesson #4: It's About the People, Not the Place

On the weekend right before Halloween, I could have been hanging out on a college campus with a bunch of friends, and going to a haunted house for the first time in my life. Instead, I spent it with just one friend, going out to dinner and then carving pumpkins. It was the best time that I had in a while.

After a great time, people tend to be excited or be praiseful of the event that occured. We might credit a game being a lot of fun because the team played well, or a dinner party being amazing due to the tons of food given. One thing people tend to overlook, though, is the people they're with. How much fun would a game be without friends to go crazy with? How enjoyable would dinner be if there's no one to converse with? It's not where we're at, or what we're doing that's so important, but rather, the peple we're with.

I've gone to the Museum of Flight twice the last two years, and each time I went, I asked myself why I did. I'm not really into looking at the planes and their history, and to be quite honest, I found most of the museum a little bit boring. However, if I had the chance to, I'd redo going to the museum all over again. Why? Because I was with my closest friends when I went there. Being able to chat on the ride there, walk in good company for a couple hours in the museum, and then get a bite to eat, more than made up for my boredom with the museum. It's the people, not the places I've gone or the things I've done, that has made for the many great moments in my life.

Having a good time doesn't need to be elaborate or expensive. We don't need to plan on a 10 state road trip, or come up with an itinerary for Disneyland. All that needs to remembered is that it's all about the people!

Lesson #3: It's Nice to be Important, but It's More Important to be Nice

The title of this post is one of my favorite quotes of all time. The first time I heard this was when I was watching the Ellen DeGeneres show a several months ago. Dwyane "The Rock" Johnson was on the guest, and though I can't remember what he was responding to, he said, "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice" and that's stuck with me ever since.

When we're young, one of the first things we are taught is to be nice. Nice was the cool thing to do; we liked our teachers because they were nice, or we thought a kid was cool because they were nice. As we moved from the stages of elementary school and onto secondary education and adulthood, I feel like we start to lose the idea that being nice is cool. We're attracted to people because they're good looking, they make us laugh, or they have a mystique to them; it's not because they're necessarily nice.

In the process of trying to appeal to people and gain popularity, people sacrifice kindness, which is just wrong. When someone is trying to be funny, they may do so by targeting someone's fault, which may hurt that person. When someone is trying to be smooth and cool (I read a study that showed that girls are attracted to guys who don't smile), they may be a bit cold and unfriendly to some people, which is definitely not nice. Being nice is an important trait that shouldn't be compromised.

One of my idols is Ellen DeGeneres and there are two things I love about her that relate to this lesson. One, in her monologues, unlike other talk show hosts, she doesn't bash other people in order to get laughs. And two, she always ends her show by saying, "Be kind" which I absolutely love. If everyone in the world were like Ellen, we'd all be living in a better place.

Too many times, I've been guilty of being a bit judgmental. I used to not like someone for specific reasons, maybe it was because they were extremely loud, or perhaps I thought they were a loner without friends. As I've grown, I've come to notice that some of the people who have little friends are some of the nicest people I know. Rather than coming up with a criteria for whether we want to be friends with someone, we should always heavily factor one question: Are they nice?

Lesson #2: Use the Courage Card

One of my biggest regrets came on Christmas Day 2010. I drove to my friends house to give her some crepes that I had made for my family, and in return, she handed me a box of cookies. As I drove home, I passed this corner where a lot of homeless people stand asking for food or money. I had the box of cookies in the passenger seat right next to me, and the homeless person was out in the cold, only a couple of feet away from me. While at the red light, I deliberated with myself whether or not I should give him the cookies. It was Christmas, I sure didn't need cookies, and he looked like he could've used some food. It was the perfect moment to do a random act of kindness. Alas, the light turned green, and I left, cookies still in my car. That moment has made me guilty ever since.

Now, in most situations, whenever there is some man or woman on the street with a sign asking for help, I tend to ignore them. Just about everybody does. I hardly ever see people actually give a dollar bill or a sandwich to those poor people. However, one day, I drove past nearly that identical spot, and as usual, I saw a homeless women there. What made this situation unique was that I saw a hand stick out from a car in the inner lane, with money in hand. The homeless women went over to that car and took the money. Almost immediately, I saw another car do the same thing, and another, and another! Whereas usually I see no one lend a hand and give some money, on that day, I saw four different people aid that poor women.

I think, deep down, we all want to contribute to those we see in need. The reason we don't is not because we're bad, but because we're scared. No one wants to stand out by opening their window and handing money to a stranger, but once we see someone else do it, we're not scared anymore, and do what we want to.

Back in my freshman year, my World History teacher had this thing called the "courage card." It wasn't really a thing, but more of an idea that we need to brave. He meant taking the initiative, trying new things, and telling the truth. What's funny is that the next year, I read in the school newspaper him mentioning the courage card and the example he gave was to try out for a sports team. I took his words, and I tried out for the basketball team, only to fail epically. Either way, though, I was proud of myself for being brave and trying something that I hadn't before.

I wasn't to big of his concept of the "courage card" at first, because I felt things like trying something new wasn't significant, and wasn't true courage. As I've grown older, and as I've seen examples like the one I mentioned above, I've realized how important courage in doing the little things really is. When I say we need courage, I don't mean one needs to get over their fear of spiders, or take risks in life. What I do mean is that we need to be able to carry out what we feel or think. We need to have the courage that is required in everyday life to do good, or to be different, or say what we feel. It's also courage that allows us to tell the truth.

Courage in everyday life is an incredibly overlooked value. It's important for the sake of being able to execute what we believe, and at the say time, influence others. Being brave is a contagious thing, and when we're all brave, we all benefit.

Lesson #1: Do Good

The very first lesson I'm going to start off with is a very simple and broad one: Do good.

Back when I was a kid, I was a big fan of the show Boy Meets World, and one of my favorite characters was the wise Mr. Feeny. In the series finale, Mr. Feeny gives advice to the main cast, saying, "Dream. Try. Do good." Topanga, the very academic student, says, "Don't you mean do well?" To that, Mr. Feeny replies, "No, I mean do good."

At the time I first saw that seen, I was a very young child, and I had interpreted that as Mr. Feeny trying to teach his students that grammar doesn't matter. Yeah, that was a simplisitc interpretation. As I grew older, I found out that it meant not to do well, as in make a lot of money or be the best CEO, but to do good, as in to help others and contribute to the world. Essentially, what Mr. Feeny was trying to say was that rather than be a great student or a great businessman, be a great person.

Considering this is the first post, I figure I'd try to tie this into the United State's first President (I had an obsession with Presidents when I was a kid). Growing up, we've all come to know that George Washington was a great President, but in the last couple of years, I've learned, and for this I've respected him even more for, that he was a great person as well. He was not the brightest mind, as he wasn't educated, nor was he the most brilliant general, as he did lose a number of battles during his time. However, he was seen by his colleagues as sort of a demi-God. He had great morals and character and that had a lot to do with why people respected him. He never sought power, and when it was given to him, he didn't take it greedily. When the idea of the executive was created in the late 1700s, it was created with George Washington in mind. In the history of US Presidential elections, Washington was the only person elected unanimously, and it was because his characters and his willingness to do good earned him admiration from his peers.

The Feeny scene from Boy Meets World:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIVyRjAI0pI

The Most Important Lessons

The most important lessons that one gets in life is not about history or english, nor is it about science or math. It's about life. The greatest teachers are those that teach you how to live your life so that you're the best person that you can be, and the great thing about it is that no one needs to be certified to teach these lessons. Growing up, we learn about our parents, and then we learn from our teachers. Then once we actually desire to learn, we learn from our friends, siblings, and people on TV.

The best lessons in life don't have to, and probably shouldn't be, too direct. It's not enough for our parents just to tell us to be honest or have good manners, but we actually have to see it. There are so many lessons that we learn from just reading a book, learning about history, or maybe even watching a basketball game. We may not have intended to learn about it or think we're learning anything special, but in the end, we may have discovered something new. In the process of going through our days, there are many things available that indirectly provide us with a lesson.

The reason I write is because I want to share what I know, or rather, what I've learned. Not everyone can be the best student, because sometimes, as hard as we try, we just can't understand something. Not everyone can be the best athlete, because we're not all tall, quick, and strong built. However, one thing we CAN all be is a great person. You don't got to be good looking, smart, or athletic to be the best person you can be. I've always wanted to be the best at everything, and the fact of the matter is, I'm most likely never going to be able to be the next Jeopardy winner, the next NBA MVP, or the next Sexiest Man Alive. One thing I will always try to be, though, is a great person.

I'm no where close to a perfect person, but everyday, I try to inch closer. I look at the people around me, and I notice who I admire, and who I wish to never be like. I try to extract lessons from everybody, and with the lessons I get, I try to impart them to others. Through this blog, I'm not trying to tell people how to live their lives or what's right and what's wrong, but I just want to show the lessons that I have learned. And hopefully, in some way, I'll be able to make an impact in someone's life!